Performing...Babyplasty!

Hi All!  I'm back for another round.  And it seems you are too.  BUT WAIT!  First I have a disclaimer for you:

The following blog contains images of real-life surgical procedures.  What you are about to see in the following content may be upsetting to some eyes.  Viewer discre---you know what?!  Suck it up, HO!  read on:

Baby Buttface last left you a tale of tragedy.  A tale of suspense.  A tale...of a magical land where monsters live and death surrounds us.  This tale, however, is one of response, redemption, recovery, and retardation.  Baby was rushed to a hospital in Scotland as you know.  The Loch Ness Medical Center was a very crude setup and barely sterile enough for surgery.  But when you're dying on a table, you really don't care how clean everything is.  Plus, Baby Buttface is immune to all disease and infection.  Convenient, no?

The damage to Baby's body was irreversible.  My head and skin nearly torn off, major blood loss, broken bones, shredded muscle tissue, and my GWS seemed to be gone as well (the doctors got me drunk to check but that was mostly to help ease my passing).  Surgery seemed pointless and Baby Buttface was assumed not to last through the night. 

But Baby's a CHAMP!

I pulled through the night and the hospital was in an uproar to get the best doctors available flown in from around the world to get me the attention I needed.

With the amount of damage/injuries sustained, a board of the best surgeons decided that the best plan of attack was to break it down into a total of 4 separate procedures.

The following are photos documenting the historical surgeries taken place that day:

(click on any image to view fullsize)

SURGERY 1: FULL BODY SKIN GRAFT

Baby Buttface's skin was shredded too thin could no longer sustain a proper quality of life



Skin Graft supplies/instruments and new epidermis donated from an unknown source


 

Wo sollt mein Blutt vergiesen?



  

peeling the skin back from the meat



anterior epidermis laying loosly on my carcass

  

old skin fully removed from the body



New skin has been cut to fit my new form



Surgery Success!
(muscle tissue has been completely removed and placed aside for later procedure)

SURGERY 2: NEURAL REPLACEMENT

Baby Buttface had extensive damage to the central nervous system due to near decapitation.  With that and the new epidermis, a complete overhaul was needed for Baby to regain sensation.

posterior opening showing new bundle of nerves



Dr Hamm assessing the best plan for "rewiring" the nerves



Dr. Hamm and his delicate touch of genius

swabbing the blood away from the opening



more incisions needed to assure proper placement of new nerves



Baby Buttface lying open on the operating table as Dr. Hamm takes his lunch break.  You can't starve genius!

SURGERY 3: SKELETAL IMPLANTATION

Baby Buttface had no skeletal system before the attack.  Through a process not unlike the one that fused adamantium to Wolverine's bone structure, Dr. Hamm and his collegues felt it necessary to play God.



An indestructible skeletal system will allow
Baby Buttface to move like the rest of us

 

The newly-added central nervous system splayed out for maneuvering

 

At this point, the medical staff had to wake Baby Buttface
up to ensure his new skeleton and nerve endings were
functioning properly.



An X-ray taken directly after surgery shows the placement
of Baby Buttface's new bone structure



The three experimental and ground-breaking
procedures were a complete success!
Here Dr. Hamm poses for his Time Magazine and Nobel Prize
publicity shot.



Baby Buttface looks to be in adequate condition
to continue with the final surgery.

SURGERY 4: MUSCLE TISSUE REPLACEMENT

Baby Buttface, like you, needs muscles to move his body.  Although this is a quick procedure, it is 100% necessary.  Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

The doctors need extreme precision to replace
muscle tissue in proper alignment with the body.



We'll call this a "zipper" so's not to confuse you with lengthy, scientific medical jargon.
It will allow access to Baby Buttface's bodily systems in the future should there be need.

 

Baby Buttface, in recovery for the first time in a new body.
Never before has Baby known the dexterity of sitting up alone.

 

Not only that, but Baby Buttface enjoys the first unaided steps
of a second chance on life.  Too bad he's still naked!



So, as you can see fellow vertebrates,

Baby Buttface is BACK and better than EVER!  SMART!!

Until next time...I need pain killers...in the form of beer...tasty liquid life...beer.

The Short Life of Baby Buttface...

Hello.  It's...still difficult to talk of this but it's been long enough.  I'm sick of sulking around about it.  It happened.  It was real and Baby needs to deal with it.  They say talking about the accident will help and now that I've brought you all up to speed on the Europe trip, it's time to let you in on why your favorite Baby Buttface's part of the trip was cut short.

It began the day we hit Drumnadrochit, Scotland.  September 23, 2009 to be exact.  Urquhart Castle was our first stop along the lake.  It was a bonus really, since we were really just trying to get to the hotel for the evening at first.  The Castle grounds were about to close so we hopped on in.

It definitely was a beautiful day, a beautiful area, and a beautiful backdrop for what was to come.

Karla even gave her owl impression in what used to be the Aviary of the castle.  The good times and acting silly are the only decent memory I have of this location.  It's probably a good thing the fun blinded me from what would happen.



note the high-tech binoculars she uses!



Oh, did I forget to mention that the ruins of Urquhart Castle stand directly on the shore of Loch Ness?  Sorry.  Here's a shot of Karla searching out over the water for the famed Nessie!  We were all in anticipation of seeing the fabled monster.  Me especially, I was hoping to become fast friends with her and perhaps score a ride on her back.

Well, the evening was coming to a close as was the castle grounds.  It was a little disappointing that we never caught sight of Nessie, but Baby Buttface needed some beauty sleep.  It takes special care to look this good!

The next day, before moving north and out of the area, we stopped down to the loch itself just so we could say we touched it.  It wasn't long before Karla and Adhamh began searching for this Nessie again...to no avail!

walking down the steps to the shoreline of
Loch Ness

Here I am looking out over the water.  But mostly watching as Adhamh attempts to add dysentery to his diet by actually drinking from the Loch itself.

Here I am sitting on Karla's feet getting really close to the water's edge!

And that's when it happened!  Adhamh Spotted the Beast!

Just as quickly, however, Nessie disappeared under the water until Karla spotted her resurfacing in a small inlet of the loch a while later...

By then, it was too late.  I had slipped into the water.  And if you'll remember from Adhamh's bachelor party, Baby Buttface floats.  Which, at first, we thought this was a good thing so that I wouldn't drown.  However, to our astonishment, it made Baby Buttface an easy target.  And that Nessie is quick!!

Baby's life began to flash before his eyes.  Which was over almost instantly since Baby Buttface hasn't lived but more than a couple weeks.  And then...nothing.  I must have blacked out because my next memory is waking up in the hospital with blurry doctors swarming all around me.

Luckily, Karla was quick to grab the camera or I would have only their tear-filled story to know what truly happened:



The beast, out of luck or fate who knows, found that fluff was not all that great a food source.  Although maimed within an inch of my life, I was dropped back into the water, which was now blood red.

The rolling waves brought me back in within reach of the shoreline.

It even helped wash some of the blood away so the extent of the damage could be seen.  This was very upsetting to Karla and Adhamh as they told me.  I can barely look at these pictures without breaking down.  I just can't believe it.

Not breathing and left for dead (almost headless) by the monster that had enthralled us so, I laid helpless on the lakeside as the beast disappeared one last time...guiltless.

As shocking as it was to see Baby Buttface in this state, Adhamh kicked into high gear!  Realizing that seconds were everything, he ran to my aid and pulled me away from the bank as Karla called for help.



All of Adhamh's time watching House was the only thing that may have been the
only thing that saved Baby Buttface in this case.
It was like second nature!



But alas, all hope seemed to be lost.  The CPR (done perfectly and without drama) had no effect.

Adhamh had no choice but to stop.  Realizing the worst had just become a reality, Karla moved in slowly and knelt to my lifeless body. 

Adhamh, knowing it would be the last real tender moment they would have with Baby Buttface...and seeing his only chance to take that prize-winning photograph that would define his career, picked up the camera at this point and fired off pure genius...

That's when the emergency services arrived.  Adhamh was about to tell them it was too late amidst his sobbing when, out of nowhere, Baby began looking around and passed out again.  I have no recollection of this but it's the one thing that alerted everyone at the scene that I may still have had a chance!  They placed me in the back of the rig, and on the way to the hospital they managed to stabilize my vitals enough for emergency surgery.  Which was a surprising feat considering Adhamh and Karla had no faith that the crew working on me was competent enough for something like this...I mean, they were driving a "Budget" ambulance after all!

Baby Buttface is grateful to Adhamh's quick thinking and Karla's instant nature to record the event.  Believe me, this accident was a defining moment for all involved.  Adhamh learned that House is bad ass.  Karla learned that life is precious.  And Baby Buttface learned that the Loch Ness monster would be best advised to remain hidden.  Nessie will die at my hand someday, have no doubt.  She almost took my head and I will take hers.  The amount of recovery and physical therapy that followed that day is more than enough to turn a baby's heart to vengeance.  I will begin to take you through that journey soon.  However, that is a story for another blog.