Welcome Back...It's been a while.

Blog date: August 28, 2009

    Well, my friends, that's how I've been doing.  It's been a couple weeks since I was born and, likewise, very busy and stressful.  I mean, running the last details down for a wedding almost makes me want to hang myself, slit my throat, and cut off my third nipple.  But then I take a step back, breathe, listen to some Andrew Johnson tell me I don't want to eat any of those...fat-a-nin' foets in his sexy scottish accent.  This usually opens my eyes enough to see that all I have to do is sit back and watch Karla and Adhamh do all the work.  I'm a fricken Baby for chrisakes!  It's not my wedding.  Sucks for those two!

However, that's not until another two weeks.  Tonight was another matter entirely.  Tonight, I'm told that before every man goes through the ritual castration of marriage, he must first prepare himself for the one-woman-for-the-rest-of-your-days thing by cramming in as much debauchery and unholy sexist exploitation of females as humanly possible.  All while heavily under the influence of alcohol...and what an influence it has!  I was all game for this and signed up without hesitation.  This "bachelor party" thing may just become my new profession.

Then on the other hand, we have what Adhamh and his friends did doing tonight:

Adhamh started out letting me drive.  He had to operate the foot pedals because Baby Buttface is just a wittle guy!

Upon arriving at our first stop, the restaurant, we were instantly bombarded by girls.  I thought this incredibly fascinating given the establishment was a fine Family dining experience. Boy, do I want to be apart of this family!  And of course, they all took a liking to me right away.  I mean, how could you not!

Cue sexy photoshoot:

I hadn't even gotten any beer in me yet and already this girl was ALL OVER ME!  Wow, maybe I don't need alcohol to be smooth me out and make me awesome!  Maybe I don't need alcohol to have a good time!  Or maybe that's just a load of crap and Baby Buttface needs to get his drink on!

Man that was a great view from there!  But also from that point of view, I noticed that although she was keeping me from getting a sip of my tasty beverage, there was something peculiar about her.  Every once in a while, she'd go back inside from the deck and change her name tag.  My new friend Victoria would come out as Ashley.

And that's when she came out as BOTH!  As I understand it, she suffers from a common disorder known as...what did they call it? Oh Twins.  It sounds horrible but I'm still not convinced she didn't just go inside and multiply herself so there'd be four "hooters" I could play with.

But my confusion was quickly averted as more of them started piling out of my new favorite eatery.

Laken, whatever kind of name that is, was my hero!  She instantly noticed how tired I was getting and provided just the right pillows for me to lay my head.  Such a sweet girl!  I'm convinced we had something special.  Little did she know though, that Baby Buttface cannot be tied down for long (unless that's part of the game) and directed attention to both ladies at once.  I'm sorry Adhamh, this may quickly turn out to be BABY'S night instead!

After that kiss, I was sold!  This girl was the love of my life!  I mean, she'll be placed in a good spot of what will become a long list of ladies with that distinction.

I was so taken with Laken, actually, that I grabbed the camera and did a little photoshoot myself.  Because let's face it, ladies love Baby Buttface, but they also love a Baby Photographer!

Yeah, smile at me my dear...Baby Buttface likes. 

Of course they all had to join in.  No one can resist having their soul stolen through the lens of Baby Buttface's camera. 

AshVictoLeyria, or whatever she/they decides to call herself/themselves, did impress me with her ability to hoolahoop, pour my beer, and stand on a bar stool all at the same time. 

But not nearly impressive enough as Adhamh finding his feminine side after a few beers.  Letting the girls put make-up on him while trying to completely immasculate whatever he had left in front of the whole place.  The girls seemed to thrive on this sort of humiliation.  Adhamh is either gay or a genius.  I haven't figured it out yet; he will require more study.  I can only say that I hope Karla knows what she's marrying in a few weeks!!

And of course, the party didn't stop there.  Afterward we drank ourselves silly and Baby Buttface experienced the wonderful life of strip clubs!  Cameras weren't allowed inside there unfortunately.  And try looking cute and babyrific to a bouncer in hopes of letting the rules bend "this one time."  My charm, for now, only seems to work with the ladies.  But, that's all for now.  Baby Buttface will do another post on what happened the next day of the Bachelor Party soon.